Cross(Dressing)-Examination
by Hazuzu
Summary: To celebrate the New Age of the Law, a party is being held for all the lawyers of California. Its theme? Cross-dressing.


To celebrate the New Age of the Law, the Inaugural Annual Celebration of Justice is being held. Many themes were submitted, many heated arguments held over email, until the administrators of the event got the bright idea to draw the theme out of a hat.

So it was that an invitation to the Celebration of Justice was sent out to the prosecutor's office and all lawyer agencies of note. And on those invites was the lone requirement for all attendants: That they must show up cross-dressed, or lose out on the chance to network with all their fellow seekers of justice…

* * *

"Nick! Stop fidgeting!" Maya put her hands on her hips and puffed her cheeks in frustration.

"I can't help it." Nick's lip twitched even as he spoke. "Why are we starting with makeup, anyway? The outfit is the most important part."

"If you wanted to try the outfits, why did you keep complaining about the dresses?" Maya arched an eyebrow at her old friend.

"I didn't complain about them," Nick scratched the back of his neck. "I complained about the underwear. I'm not really expected to wear that kind of thing, am I?"

"Oh." Maya laughed. "No, I was just messing with you. You can wear whatever you like underneath."

"Then I guess we can try the clothes now." Phoenix glanced at himself in the mirror. Maya had already applied the lipstick and he had to admit, it did make them look more defined. Just a bit out of place with the rest of his ruggedly handsome features.

"What about something frilly, to even out your hair?" Maya asked, as she picked up one of the many clothes she'd brought over for Nick to try on. "Oh! I know! A slim dress, to emphasis how sleek you are! And it'll go with your hair!"

"A dress…? Really?" Phoenix cast a doubtful look at the dress Maya was holding up. It went up to the neck, but bared the arms, and flared out at the hip to create a pleasant ruffling effect. "Why don't I wear one of Mia's old suits?"

Maya bust out laughing.

"You'd look ridiculous! Mia was..." Maya made a gesture in front of her chest. "And you're as flat as a pancake!"

"No I'm..." Phoenix paused. Why would he get defensive about that? "You have a point. Are you sure that dress will fit me?"

"Yep!" Maya beamed. "I went to the charity store and showed them a picture of you. They were very friendly when I told them you wanted some girl's clothes."

"… Thanks." Phoenix sighed. "Wait, a charity store?"

"When I was your assistant, you always told me to save money. So I was thrifty!"

"Why am I short two hundred dollars if you got this from a charity store?" Phoenix gestured about him. "There's no way this cost that much."

"Oh, um," Maya put a finger to her lip. "It's a mystery!"

Phoenix met Maya's eyes. "I thought I smelled lobster on your breath."

"I had to come all the way out here to make you pretty, Nick!" Maya huffed. "Would any of your other friends do that?"

"No, I guess not," Phoenix sighed. "Alright, I'll get changed. Turn around."

"What?" Maya raised an eyebrow as Nick stood up. "You're wearing a vest and boxer shorts like always. It's not like I'm gonna see anything."

"It's just not right." Phoenix said.

"Alright, fine," Maya laughed as she turned around. There were various sounds of shuffling behind her, followed by the sound of scraping metal… Then another… Then another.

"Um, Maya?"

"Yes, Nick?"

"Can you…" Nick groaned inwardly. "Can you zip me up?"

Maya spun around to see Nick clad in the dress, which fit him quite nicely. It covered him from his neck to his ankles, clinging to his slender body with just good enough a fit to not look silly.

"Looking good!" Maya said, as she stepped up behind him and did up the zip.

"Really?" Nick turned to look at himself in the mirror. He posed with a pointing finger, then his hands on his hips. "Something's missing..."

"I've got just the thing!" Maya said, as she reached into her purse and brought out a white choker with a red jewel that was shaped like a flower. She tent on her tiptoes to attach it to Phoenix's neck.

Phoenix struck his pose again and smirked. "Not bad… Not bad at all."

Then his zip slipped down and he deflated.

"It's okay! We can fix it!" Maya gave Phoenix a reassuring pat on the shoulder. "You have Google, don't you?"

* * *

"This is going to look fantastic," Apollo smiled at himself in the mirror. He was clad in a deep red skirt that went down to his knees, with a sleeveless white blouse that elegantly framed his neck. "I can't thank you enough, Juniper."

"Oh, it's no problem." Juniper sighed with pleasure as she stood beside Apollo and gazed into the mirror with him. "When Athena told me she couldn't help you, I came right over. You look so...noble."

"Not her or Trucy," Apollo said, "But I don't know if they'd have been able to dress me as well as you have."

"I spent a lot of time with the stage costumes at Themis Academy. Robin, too." Juniper's cheeks were aflame at all the compliments being sent her way. "I just thought of what already looks good on you, and then I knew what to do. But, um, I wasn't sure about the pantyhose."

"They look fine," Apollo assured her with a smile. "Especially with the red loafers. We just need to figure out one last piece..."

"The jacket..." Juniper frowned off at nothing. "I have a couple of options, but I'd like you to make sure they're okay."

"I'm listening." Apollo nodded seriously.

"I have a bolero jacket," Juniper held it up – it only came down to about Apollo's ribcage and it matched his skirt. "It will let you look formal, but still feminine, with an air of action you wouldn't get from a regular formal jacket."

"Let's try it." Apollo held out both of his arms and Juniper dutifully pulled the jacket on. The sleeves were tight on his arm, but he settled into the feeling one he rolled a sleeve up to expose his bangle. He looked at himself in the mirror and struck a pose. "I've decided: This is it. This is what I'm going with. We're going to win that crossdressing competition."

"Um, it's not a competition..." Juniper pointed out. "It's just a theme. That's what the invite said."

"Oh." Apollo frowned, but let it fade away. "Can we try the wig?"

"Of course. Right away." Juniper carefully removed it from the mantle and placed it atop Apollo's head. It was a simple thing, matching his hair color and styled into a bob, just like Trucy wore. She adjusted it a couple of times and smiled as she looked Apollo up and down. "It's...amazing!"

Apollo looked at himself and nodded. "I'm fine." He put one hand on his hip and cocked it. "I'm damn fine."

* * *

The drawer slid into Edgeworth's desk with a satisfying click. His paperwork was finished for the day, no further cases needed his immediate attention, and any trouble-making his underlings may have gotten into was impeded by the upcoming Celebration of Justice. As far as days went, this was one of the better ones, and he had plenty of time to come up with his own plans for the event.

He would, of course, be taking part. As Chief Prosecutor, not showing up to the event would be a slap in the face to all he and Phoenix had achieved. And if he were to show up without participating in the theme, he would be presenting himself as superior to his colleagues. It was fortunate, then, that he'd had his secretary prepare a list of contacts for him to get to at the end of his busy day.

The first on the list was a seamstress renowned for her skill when it came to cross-dressing parts in theater.

"I'm sorry, Sir, but I'm fully booked for the next few days. Between my theater commitments and a number of senior prosecutors, I can't help you."

"That's perfectly fine. Good day." Edgeworth said, as he hung up.

The next was a tailor, one of Edgeworth's own, who did quick work and high-quality adjustments.

"I'm terribly sorry, but you'll have to find somebody else," came the soft voice from the other end of the phone. "The upcoming Celebration of Justice has taken up all of my time."

"Very well. Good day to you." Edgeworth hung up.

Perhaps the third choice would be available. Technically an amateur, but famous for her cross-dressing talents online.

"I'm sorry! I've got to prepare my own outfit! I've been invited to drum up public interest, you know how it is!"

Perhaps the next…

For the next hour, Edgeworth received more apologies than he ever had in his life, along with an array of platitudes and a handful of offers that would have come to fruition only after he needed them. He liked to think that he had nerves of steel, but they were feeling particularly tinny by the time he reached the end of his particularly long contact list. He couldn't blame her – she'd gone above and beyond his expectations, and it was his fault for not expecting such a boom in the cross-dressing market.

But he was left with a dilemma. Perhaps one of the female detectives would be willing to help him prepare for the event, he reasoned, as he locked his office up and drove towards the nearby police headquarters. His nerves must have gotten the better of him, for he was caught for keeping his lights on. He rolled his window down to address the traffic officer and heard the most horrible thing in the world.

"Edgey-poo!" Oldbag's gnarled face peered in through the window, her lanky body clad in a traffic officer's uniform with a speed-detecting tool on her hip. "I knew it was you!"

"Yes. Good evening," Edgeworth greeted her as cordially as he could manage.

"I haven't seen you around these parts in forever! Why, just the other day I was telling my sister, she lives on the other city down the road, you see, she has a family of her own, the lot of de-"

"You pulled my over?" Edgeworth interrupted.

"Oh, yes! Where are you going?" Oldbag asked.

"Police headquarters."

"What for?" Oldbag leaned in closer.

"I am in need of a woman to give me fashion advice for an upcoming lawyer event." Edgeworth kept his finger beside the window button.

"Why, Edgey-poo! I'm a woman!"

"No."

"I can give you all of the fashion advice you need! I used to do give a lot of fashion advice, back in the day, it may not seem it now, but..."

"No." Edgeworth said, but it was too late. The vortex of the old woman's ramblings had captured him and he would soon be crushed by civility. There was no saving him now.

* * *

"Ta-da!" Trucy finished gluing on Athena's mustache with a twirl of the glue gun. "There you go! Just like my other daddy!" She declared.

Athena had never met Trucy's other daddy, but if so, his mustache had apparently been the single most voluminous in the world. It threatened to overrun her nose at any moment, with two bushy curls twisting right up to her cheeks, and all of it cast in the bright orange of her hair.

"It looks ridiculous!" Athena declared. "It's perfect! The rest of the lawyers aren't gonna know what hit 'em!"

"It's going to be so funny!" Trucy agreed, as she picked up one of the sleeves for Athena's costume. It was less of a sleeve and more of a collection of fake muscles, complete with bicep. "Everyone's going to be expecting gentlemen and ladies, and then, bam! In comes Dirk Hardpec!"

"We're going with Dirk Hardpec?" Athena asked, as she pushed her hand through to the other end and flexed her fake muscles. Her other arm was already clad in one, as well as her chest. She now had a six-pack and absurdly large pecs. It was a little tight, thanks to having to bind her breasts, but she looked thoroughly silly. "I kind of liked Rip Steakface."

"I guess it doesn't matter much. You can say whatever you want when you get there!" Trucy reached into her magic panties and retrieved an overlarge shirt, one that would have looked absurd on regular Athena, but fit just a little too small on her new persona. "But whatever you do, don't run!"

"What? How am I meant to get pumped up if I don't run?" Athena frowned.

"You'll get all sweaty." Trucy ripped the sleeves off of the shirt, then pulled it onto Athena's body. Only half of the buttons could stretch enough to meet over her muscular form. "And it'll stink. Really, really bad."

"Yeah, you have a point… I'll just down a few cans of energy drink." Athena held out her arms for the vest that followed, which also couldn't be buttoned up completely, then she leaped to her feet. "Rawr! Me Butch Deadlift! Me defense lawyer! Me lift guilty verdicts and weights! Me crush testimony and punching bags! Me pro-justice and me protein!"

By the time she'd finished, the agency was alight with Trucy's laughter, and Athena wasn't far behind.

* * *

The first Celebration of Justice was going well, Phoenix thought, as he sat down at his table. There hadn't been any incidents, everybody had put in the effort, and even the photographers outside were being kind about it. Sure, his dress kept coming unzipped, but he hoped that sitting down for a while would put a stop to that. What he was waiting for was the rest of his Agency, both of whom wanted their appearances to be a surprise.

"Trucy?" Phoenix spluttered as somebody strode up to his table. The same skin, the same eyes, the same hair. What could his daughter have been doing there?

"Not quite, Sir." Apollo proudly puffed out his chest as he posed beside the table. "Apollo Justice, Attorney-at-Law, of the Wright Anything Agency, at your service!"

"Wow." Phoenix blinked. "Wow. I don't think I've ever been so impressed and confused at the same time."

"That seems to be the going opinion." Apollo smiled good-naturedly as he took the seat beside Phoenix. "You don't look so bad yourself, Sir."

"Thanks. I'm just glad I didn't have to wear heels." Phoenix glanced down at his flats. It didn't feel right to be walking around with no socks, but that was what the outfit required.

"We were considering them, but Junipe-"

Apollo was interrupted by the sound of something slamming into their table. A large gentleman with more beef than a fast food restaurant had stumbled in, his bright orange hair and mustache flipping every which way as he glanced around. When he was apparently satisfied, he pulled a seat out at their desk and curled himself up as small as possible.

"Athena?" Apollo asked, his perception piercing the veil of her disguise. "What's wrong?" He asked, while Phoenix smirked at the sight of his uncharacteristically muscular colleague.

"Everyone!" Athena said. "This was meant to be a joke! Funny! Ha-ha! But people keep hitting on me! Men, women, it doesn't matter! They keep fondling my muscles and asking to stroke my moustache and I think one woman – I think it was, I can't even tell with all these costumes – she, she," She peered over her own shoulder. "She rubbed her butt on me. Is that even allowed? We're lawyers!"

"Oh, I'm sure it's not as bad as all that." Phoenix said, then caught the glare in Athena's eyes. "Er, maybe it is. How about some grape juice?"

"Yes, please." Came a deep voice from beside the table. There stood a man who was unavoidably Edgeworth. Edgeworth clad in a floral dress. Edgeworth wearing a knitted cardigan. Edgeworth wearing a summer bonnet. Edgeworth with an absurd amount of makeup. But still Edgeworth. "I'll take as many cartons as you have," He said, as he took a seat on the other side of the table. "And the next table's, too."

"Edgeworth, what happened to you?" Phoenix leaned in, and so did the other two at the table. Even Athena, as distraught as she was, had sympathy in her eyes.

"Oldbag."

"Oh. Oh no." Phoenix shook his head and pushed his carton of grape juice over towards Edgeworth.

"What's Oldbag?" Apollo asked.

"Don't ask." Phoenix shook his head. "She's not here, is she?" He shot a wary look across the room and the others did the same.

"Oh, no. I made certain of that." Edgeworth said.

"Hey, is that Simon?" Athena pointed a finger across the room. There stood a particularly pale young woman, whose black hair was tied back into two horns that pierced the air, while her bangs hung with a splotch of white. She was clad in a black yukata, with a sheath at her side, and standing utterly alone. "Apollo, call him over!"

"Why don't you do it?"

"I don't want to get swarmed by perverts!" Athena said.

"Fine." Apollo held his hand up. "Simon!" The woman turned with an eerie grace and met him with cool gray eyes. "Yeah, that's him. Is it weird to find him scarier as a woman?" He asked, as Simon crossed the distance between him and the table.

"Hello. Wright, Justice, Athena, Chief." Simon gave the lot of them a single nod.

"Simon." Edgeworth bowed his head in greeting. "How was it that you managed to find someone to style you?" Innocent or no, people were still intimidated by the man.

"I visited my sister," Simon said. "Aura Blackquill." His hair had made that much obvious, at least to Athena. "She found it endlessly amusing."

"Well, I think you look good." Phoenix gestured to one of the remaining seats at their table. "Why don't you join us, Simon?"

"I suppose I could." Simon took one of the empty seats, then pulled out the one beside him. There was a screech from above, a flapping of wings, and then that seat was occupied by Taka the hawk.

"Hey, Taka." Athena and the rest of the defense attorneys greeted the bird with wary smiles. They remembered the sting of his talons all too well. "How did you get him in here, Simon?"

"He's my plus one."

"Oh." Athena's brow furrowed as she tried to figure that out, at least, until she spotted that Taka's monochromatic ascot had been traded for a pink bow.

"Well, well, well," Came a voice that was familiar to some. "What have we here? A gathering of people whose foolishness is yet to be determined."

"And hello to you too, Franziska." Edgeworth nodded at the new arrival.

Franziska was stood at the table, clad in a full three-piece suit with silver-blue highlights. Her hair had been slicked back and her earrings removed, but what Wright noticed first was the arm linked with hers. A young man with rich blonde hair, similarly slicked back, and clad in a black turtleneck with lighter pants, and a pair of fancy glasses held up on the bridge of his nose.

"Mr. Wright. Miles." Adrian bowed her head to each of them in turn. "I'm afraid I don't know the rest of you." A nervous smile graced her face.

"Allow me," Edgeworth said. "This is my," he caught Franziska's stern glance and decided not to rock the boat, "older sister, Franziska von Karma, and her wife, Adrian von Karma. Franziska is a once-rival of Phoenix's and Adrian a once-client."

"Wow, you were one of Mr. Wrights's rivals?" Athena cooed. "Just like Simon is!"

"Indeed," Franziska nodded. "Although, of course, I was never beaten."

"Yes, you were. I beat you several times," Phoenix said. "The Miney case, the Big Top case, th-"

"I have no memory of that." Franziska shrugged.

Phoenix hunched over. "It was in the papers..."

"As much as I like to see you sweat," Edgeworth said. "Franziska is simply provoking you."

"Ah, you spoil my fun." Franziska clucked her tongue. "And it seems there's no more to be had. Good evening, for now." She waved to the group.

"Aufwiedersehen!" Athena called out as Franziska and Adrian turned away from the group.

"At least I didn't get whipped this ti-" Phoenix was cut-off by the crack of a whip and a sharp pain across his ear. "Ow!"

"She's kind of a character, huh?" Apollo turned his gaze back to the table.

"I like her," Simon said.

"I bet you do." Phoenix muttered, as he rubbed his ear.

"How many prosecutors do you know, Mr. Wright?" Apollo asked. "I wouldn't be surprised if we ran into all of them, with how packed this place is."

"Fraulein Forehead!" Came a cry to the side, followed by a guitar riff that seemed to pierce the quiet atmosphere of the hall. All heads turned to see Klavier Gavin on the stage, clad in a purple longcoat with a loose black top, complete with a leather skirt and fishnet leggings that lead down to knee-high black boots. "I call this one Forehead For Justice, and it's dedicated to you."

"Kill me." Apollo sunk down in his seat as the crowd applauded and stared over in his direction. "I leave my stuff to Trucy. Tell my family I'm fine."

"Oh, no! Don't say such horrible things," said a voice that was familiar to all of them. Approaching the table was an obviously aging man, clad in a long formal dress that didn't fit him particularly well, with a ratty wig on his bald head and his fluffy beard painted entirely in skin-tone makeup. "Especially with what's going on," Said the Judge.

"What's going on?" Athena asked.

"Oh, er, hello. You're a muscular one, aren't you?" The Judge blinked. "Where was I? Oh, yes, there's been a murder."

"A murder? Here?" Phoenix asked, his mouth agape.

"Indeed. The suspect found on the scene has specifically asked for you, Mr. Wright."

Phoenix's eyes set with determination as he got to his feet. "Athena?"

"Yeah?" Athena stood up with him, as did Apollo.

"Zip me up."


End file.
